Recognising self-imposed limitations to success and smashing through the glass ceiling and walls.

I was sitting down on the sofa and was well into my first cup of Earl Grey and David (not his real name) appeared all smiling and full of energy. This was a very different picture to the one when we met four weeks previously – furrowed brow, worried look, downcast eyes, etc. Amazing what four coaching sessions can do I thought. 

I asked how he was feeling and he said he was feeling pleased with himself as he had begun to look at people’s behaviour from their perspective rather than his own to find out why they did the things they did. Previously he had judged them from his own framework and as a result never understood what was going on and why they behaved the way they did. Hurrah I said a breakthrough.

It had all started off when David said he was not happy with his job and career and wanted some help changing what he was getting i.e. he had to change what he was doing. Common sense really but it is quite a rare to find, no idea why it is called common.

Anyway the whole process involves breaking down all those preconceived ideas, throwing a few stones around in order to see oneself in a new different light. The thing is that invariably over time we adopt lots of ideas and opinions because of what we are told by those we are told to look up to .. teachers, lecturers, peers, relations, even parents not realising that they have their own hang-ups, problems, challenges, etc. and often they are working to outmoded laws, models, rules handed down by our olders and “betters”, some of which are really only fit for the shredder.

For example if you are good at Maths then you should become an accountant or a banker… NO, maybe not because there maybe other intelligences and behaviours that have not been identified by untrained people which are far more important than being able to visualise and structure numbers in one’s head.

The thing is that David was good at Maths and so he was persuaded to study Mechanical Engineering. What was forgotten was that although his maths was due to good visual logical structure, which is ideal for mental arithmetic, other things had been forgotten.  He was quiet because he took after his quiet, sensitive father and was unable to compete with his very verbal sister and mother. Because he never used to say very much, his family used to make decisions for him, never really listened whenever he spoke. In return due to his sensitivity he kept quiet as he did not want to upset anybody.

Maybe the most important item that was missed was that he enjoyed messing about making things with wood and loved machinery. The latter was because he is hugely tactile, kinaesthetic with excellent 3D creative vision. At university he was unable to comprehend calculus, sweated over the theory of gears and metal composition and basically decided that Engineering was not thing but continued anyway!

Now at 42 he had hit the crossroads of following what everybody wanted him to do which was not what he wanted to do.

We did a SHOO analysis (Strengths – Hidden (Gaps) – Opportunities – Openings), like SWOT but with positive words. The Hidden (Gaps) were those items that he saw as Gaps but after we had rephrased them as a positive statements David, began to realise that he had so many more strengths. Items that went under “Hidden” were like …

“quiet in meetings” – reframed as “excellent listener”
“took on too much” – reframed as “experienced in many subjects”
“people bring problems to him” – reframed as “trusted and knowledgeable”
“slow making decisions” – reframed as “takes into account teams’ views”
“leaves people alone to get on with the job” – reframed as “chooses people on his team well”

Then we did a strengths analysis of his behaviours, which I call the ©HOP triangle (Hidden – Obvious – Possibilities). The thing about the HOP triangle is that it looks for those abilities that have not been recognised before. The Hidden ones are often those that the individual see as gaps but which need rephrasing or reframing as positive statements. Once we had done it, David began to realise that he had so many more strengths.

David’s ©HOP triangle looked like this….

From this little “look for the silver lining in every cloud” exercise David began to build up a completely different picture of himself, which with his gene based 3D visual abilities, his logic circuits, sensitivity, idea creativity, wide business experience and his rapid computing power. such as Chairman of meetings and companies, especially in a social environment or Project Director of “turn round” situations or development scenarios in fast moving environments.

Previously David had always believed people when they told him about his hidden gaps as negatives rather than praising him for the positive side. As a result he kept quiet in his greenhouse but as soon as he understood that there were many things to shout about he realised that metaphorically he could throw a few stones around for his benefit and for the benefit of others.

My suggestion is that for you personally, for your team and your department do a HOP analysis and look for the silver linings in your people and build them up. You will be amazed at the diamonds that you find lying under those cobwebs, old stones and dusty greenhouses.

©William Barron
Creating Insight
September 28th 2006